At this point two things are running through his head - his unrelenting badass survival instinct and the song "Brown Girl in the Ring" by 1970s pop/disco supergroup Boney M.  Joe closed his eyes and told himself, "there's no fucking way I'm going to day with this shitty disco song stuck in my head". One of those dudes is British climber Joe Simpson, a guy with one of the most hardcore survival stories this side of Beck Weathers or Larcena Pennington. Simpson survived, and recounted the story in the … Unfortunately, before they got very far the ground gave out underneath Simpson and he busted ass like a bad skateboard bails video. For that he is considered a legend amongst mountaineers, who all hope to aspire to that level of badassitude. The man summitted an unclimbable mountain face and managed to to survive a tremendous fall that would have killed most mortal humans. Well Yates and Simpson just grabbed their crotches in a threatening manner (experienced climbers do this to try and intimidate the mountain they are about to ascend), threw on their climbing gear and hacked their way up the side of the previously-unconquerable mountain face. The true story of two climbers and their perilous journey up the west face of Siula Grande in the Peruvian Andes in 1985. For the next several hundred feet, Yates slowly lowered Joe down the mountain and together they made their way back to safety. Nevertheless, Simpson and Yates never climbed together again. Simon Yates (born 1963) is an English mountaineer.In 1985, he climbed the west face of Siula Grande in the Huayhuash mountain range in the Peruvian Andes with Joe Simpson.On the descent, an accident resulted in Simpson falling over a cliff while roped to Yates, who was forced to cut the rope to avoid both climbers falling. Simon Yates (born 1963) is an English mountaineer. Soon he realized that if he continued to hold on to that rope, he would eventually be dragged off the side of the cliff and neither man would survive the journey. You can read more of his story in Touching the Void, the book he wrote about the adventure. He had no food, ate snow to keep hydrated, and never gave up. Directed by Kevin Macdonald. The good news is that I don't think I have the arm strength to get myself more than about fifteen feet off the ground, so I'd probably just end up breaking an arm or some shit as I plummeted back to Earth, but some of these nuts can just fucking race up a slippery ice-slicked cliff face like they were some combination of an elevator and the Abominable Snowman. On the descent, an accident resulted in Simpson falling over a cliff while roped to Yates, who was forced to cut the rope to avoid both climbers falling. In the whipping wind and unrelending snow, Yates unknowingly lowered Simpson off the side of a huge ass cliff, and before they realized what the shit was going on Joe Simpson found himself dangling 100 feet above the ground suspended only by a thin rope being held by his buddy.

Finally, he made the only decision he could - he cut the rope. His muscles burned.

With Simon Yates, Joe Simpson, Brendan Mackey, Nicholas Aaron.

They reached the summit after an arduous trek, and gave each other a jumping high-five at the peak to symbolize how fucking badass they were. He pulled himself up onto his one good foot and started moving. He could barely move his leg or stand, and they still had a long ways to go back to camp. When he smashed into the ground, his tibia bone splintered like a toothpick and shards cracked up into his kneecap, fucking it up royally.

It's hard to debate the badassitude of any hobby that can potentially get you killed, and mountaineering is no exception. Simpson said he, too, would have cut the rope if their positions had been reversed. I mean, these climbers go out and push their bodies to the limit to the xtreme gonzo balls out, risking life and limb for no good reason except to prove how hardcore they are and to feel the rush of adrenaline that can only come from hanging off the side of a mountain 25,000 feet above the ground with nothing but your grip strength and a bungee cord between you and an incredibly painful death.

Mountaineer Simon Yates believes Touching The Void is a “feelgood story”.

Despite falling one hundred feet and landing flat on his back, Joe Simpson somehow managed to not die. In 1985 Joe and his buddy Simon Yates decided to travel to the Andes and climb to the top of Siula Grande using a path that had never successfully been completed, just to prove that they had balls the size of small …

Absolutely unbelieveable. But then just as you thought things couldn't get any worse for our intrepid heroes, a huge ass blizzard fucking swept in and started kicking up snow like a drunken ski patrol snowmobile party. Joe Simpson plummeted 100 feet down a narrow crevasse, crashing into an ice bridge below. He looked around at his surroundings and discovered he was alone, freezing, horribly injured and trapped in an increasingly deadly situation.

One of those dudes is British climber Joe Simpson, a guy with one of the most hardcore survival stories this side of Beck Weathers or Larcena Pennington.

It's the sort of shit you'd see in a bad action movie and be like, "yeah right bullshit that could never happen.".

They chose to ascend the West face of the mountain, which was almost completely vertical and absolutely covered in nothing but a sheer layer of ice, loose dirt, flat rock, motorcycle grease, melted butter and used cooking oil. Probably the most extreme/insane mountaineers are those who specialize in ice climbing, which is to mountaineering what sword-swallowing is to fencing.

In 1985, he climbed the west face of Siula Grande in the Huayhuash mountain range in the Peruvian Andes with Joe Simpson. Then they immediately started their journey 3,000 feet back to their base camp where they could chill out and drink some coffee.

I can safely say that I find some dumbass way injure myself trying to operate the ice machine in my fucking freezer at least once a week, so I can only assume that I would last about fifteen seconds as an amateur ice climber. Touching the Void is Joe Simpson’s account of the ordeal he and Simon Yates endured in 1985.

So Simon Yates took two cords of 150-foot rope, lashed them together, tied one end around his waist and used the other end around Joe. Determined to be the first team ever to summit the west face of Siula Grande, a mountain in Peru, Simpson and Yates set out on an adventure that ultimately changed their lives. His feet began to slip in the snow.

Joe Simpson is about as fucking hardcore as they come. When he finally reached camp, he found his friend Simon Yates preparing to break down and head back to England. Yates finally discovered what had happened and tried to yell down to Joe, but the unrelenting winds made communication impossible. He somehow found the strength to rappel down to the absolute bottom of the crevasse and crawl out from inside the glacier that for all intents and purposes should have been his tomb, and from there he spent the next three days crawling, limping and hopping five fucking miles back to base camp.

In 1985 Joe and his buddy Simon Yates decided to travel to the Andes and climb to the top of Siula Grande using a path that had never successfully been completed, just to prove that they had balls the size of small automobiles. Ice climbing is pretty much where you try to scale a giant sheet of solid ice with nothing but a warm jacket, a fucking viking-style battle axe and some rope. It was 6,350 meters to the summit, which means very little to me because I'm about as familiar with the Metric System as I am with the proper technique for crocheting a sweatervest, but it's safe to say it was really fucking high up and nobody had ever completed the climb before. For over an hour, Simon Yates tried to hold onto the rope and pull his friend back up to safety, but after lowering Joe down the mountain for several hours he had no strength left.

Then, as if that wasn't badass enough, he pressed on with a knee so fucked up that he technically shouldn't have even been able to stand up, endured a complete lack of food, and somehow find a way to traverse an incredibly hostile, cold, high-altitude environment and make his way back to camp.